Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
