I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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