I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
