Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
