I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
