Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
