the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
