I'm gonna have a badass scar
I faked an abortion last night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
