I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I won the penis lottery.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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