halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
