good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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