he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
