i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
