But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
