My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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