I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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