i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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