I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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