I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
