Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
