FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
