yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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