Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I love how my cats smell like pot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
