I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize