I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
