I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
