Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
