just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
porn star boner night. come get it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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