paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
