I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
