Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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