i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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