Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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