I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
