I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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