since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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