But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You are a genius and a whore.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
