Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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