i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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