The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
