Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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