I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
