Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
