im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
