You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
