I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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