she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
