One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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