Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
