I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
