I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
