You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
