college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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