I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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