im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to sanitize my soul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
