Ketchup is God's man juice
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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