Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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