You really coming over, don't trick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
