I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He has the fingertips of a God
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