ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
