I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
