u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
