well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
