I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
