I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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