So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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