Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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