Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
