I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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