That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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