"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
