mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
