some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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