Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
