feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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