Don't you send me to vm
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
