I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
