I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
