i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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