The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
