sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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