Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
