You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
