I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
