I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
